The Minimalist Way Read online

  It’s easy to fall into autopilot as you take these needs on, one by one. Swing by the dry cleaners, pick up the groceries, fill the prescriptions? Check. Research the best acupuncturist in town? Your boss asked, so … Check!

  Then, a few years—or decades—into doing life this way, you look around and realize you’ve been so consumed with meeting the needs of others and checking off all the to-do’s that your time no longer feels like it’s really yours. You’ve parceled it out to everyone and everything around you. You’ve started saying yes by default and stopped living your days with intention.

  My purpose with this chapter is twofold: to encourage you to take back your time and to offer strategies to help you figure out how.

  Reflection

  Look back at the value tree you made in chapter 2. Because “time” isn’t directly one of our five life domains, read over the values you selected for all of the domains, and pull out three words that best fit with your vision for how you want to spend your time. Write them here, and use them as a guide as you implement the strategies in this chapter.

  1. –––––––––––—

  2. –––––––––––—

  3. –––––––––––—

  Write in a journal or reflect on the following questions before moving on: How do you want to feel about how you spend your time? What’s your vision for your use of time? What’s holding you back from feeling the way you want to and achieving your vision?

  Over- Committing to Others and Under-Committing to Ourselves

  When your manager asks one person on your team to stay late and everyone suddenly looks out the window or at their shoes, are you the one who raises your hand? When someone asks you to lend a hand to a cause that isn’t your own, do you agree even though your heart is telling you something different? Do you tend to say yes when you should say no because you’re worried about what someone else will think?

  Too many of us are over-committing to others and under-committing to ourselves. Let’s start listening to the voice inside. Let’s stop living at a frantic pace if our hearts are pulling us toward a slower, more focused—and ultimately, more impactful—way of life. Let’s start honoring our own needs for rest, self-care, and balance. Let’s find the courage to live the lives we were meant to, not the lives others expect of us. Let’s recommit to our own vision and mindfully use our time to help us get there.

  Strategies for Minimalist Time Management

  No one can decide how to use your time but you. No matter how many needs you feel like you must meet each day, no matter how many to-do’s you want to cross off your list, it’s up to you to decide.

  1. RECLAIM YOUR TIME

  It’s time to stop bouncing from one task to the next without first asking yourself why you do what you do. It’s time to stop letting yourself believe that you’re at the mercy of everyone else. If you’re busier than you want to be, own your role in it. After all, you are in the driver’s seat of your life. Make a commitment to take back your time.

  2. PRIORITIZE. PRIORITIZE. PRIORITIZE.

  Minimalism isn’t possible without strategic prioritization. In fact, minimalism is strategic prioritization. We prioritize everything from how we spend our money to the relationships we invest in to the work we feel called to do. But our time might just require more prioritization than anything else, because how we spend the minutes of our days is really what shapes the trajectory of our lives.

  Identify your values, keep them at the front of your mind, and give priority to the things that support them.

  3. SAY NO

  “Only once you give yourself permission to stop trying to do it all, to stop saying yes to everyone, can you make your highest contribution towards the things that really matter.” —GREG MCKEOWN

  No matter how many times I say it, I’ve never completely lost that sinking feeling that comes with saying no. I want to help people out, to be a team player, to contribute to the cause, and honestly, to be liked.

  But what’s stronger than those feelings is my desire to be true to my core. I want to live the life that feels right for me.

  Think of all the times you’ve said yes when deep down, you knew the answer was no. Is it uncomfortable to give someone a no? Absolutely. But what I try to remember is that in the end, the dissonance I always feel when I give a yes that should have been a no is far more uncomfortable than an honest no.

  So I work hard to think of saying no as saying a bigger yes. A yes to slow afternoons with my kids, a yes to my creative interests, a yes to weekends of exploring as a family. A yes to my values. A yes to the peace and alignment that comes when I’m living by them. A bigger yes.

  4. PLAN LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT (BECAUSE MAYBE IT DOES)

  When it comes to planning, my personality is an odd hybrid (and I’m guessing I’m not the only one). On the one hand, I thrive off structure and feel the most calm when I know what’s coming. But on the other hand, I want to ignore my calendar altogether and just be free.

  Strangely, minimalism helps me satisfy both. When I prioritize the things I care about and carve out time for them, I have direction, structure, and clarity. But I also have room—in my schedule and in my heart—to wander, to dance, to flow, and to follow my curiosity.

  Make the time to plan, and you’ll have more time to be free.

  The system I’ve settled into over the years is taking half an hour each Sunday to review my work schedule and our family calendar for the upcoming week, communicate any help I might need from my husband or babysitters, and update my ongoing to-do list. (I keep a running list of to-do’s in the Reminders app in my phone, but you can keep this wherever you like.) When I’ve planned well (and I’m not claiming that I always do), my life flows better, and I’m able to find pockets of time to just be.

  5. CHOOSE YOUR TOP 3 TASKS FOR EVERY DAY

  Before you start each day, try choosing your top three tasks for the day. Some days they may be concrete (“schedule the plumber”), and other days they may be more transcendent (“give my family big greetings and goodbyes today”).

  As I mentioned, I keep an ongoing to-do list. Writing my to-do’s as soon as I think of them means I don’t have everything rattling around in my brain at once. But focusing on only three key tasks per day enables me to finish each day satisfied that I devoted energy to the most important things (no matter how many or how few to-do’s I checked off).

  6. PRACTICE POWER HOUR

  Another way to carve out more time for your highest priorities is to consolidate tasks by regularly practicing Power Hour. (This strategy is also called “chunking.”) I find this especially useful for the tasks I always seem to procrastinate on, like scheduling dentist appointments, calling the DMV (so painful!), processing mail, signing the kids up for their activities, or cleaning out my inbox.

  Set a timer for one hour and see how much you can hammer out in that Power Hour. Checking off the nagging tasks that have been taking up precious space in your mind is liberating.

  7. IDENTIFY—AND REDUCE OR ELIMINATE—YOUR DISTRACTIONS

  Interestingly, sometimes we use the very tasks I listed in step 6 as our biggest excuse for not getting our more meaningful work done. Let’s imagine you have a 2,000-word essay to write, and even though it’s on a topic you’re passionate about, you’re struggling to dive in. As we discussed in chapter 4, it takes significant willpower and focus to get into the frame of mind for cognitively demanding work. Suddenly, calling the dentist seems preferable—and obviously, still “very important” (or so we tell ourselves).

  This is another reason Power Hour is so effective: When your minor to-do’s have become distractions, you can use Power Hour to clear them out and free your mind of the mental space they’re taking—leaving you with more space for the bigger task at hand. Alternatively, you can remind yourself that those nagging tasks can wait until your next Power Hour—and that your priority in this moment is your more important work.

  Bey
ond work and to-do’s, what are the things that distract you from what you really care about? Are you crashing with Netflix every night when what you really want is the energy to cuddle and talk with your partner? Are you opening a time-sucking app on your phone whenever you have a few free minutes—when what you’d really rather do is open your Kindle app and do some quality reading?

  Other common distractions include using social media, playing video games, watching sports, eating or drinking, creating or spreading drama among your friends and family, shopping (online or in-store), responding to texts and email, and more. It’s not that all of these are “bad” in and of themselves; it’s more that minimalism means learning to choose what you want most, not what you want right now.

  Next time you notice yourself turning to a mindless distraction, take a mindful pause—much like I’ve encouraged you to do before you buy something. Ask yourself, Is this really something I want to prioritize, or is there something else—something better—I’d rather do with my time?

  8. ASK YOURSELF, “WILL THIS MATTER IN A YEAR?”

  One way to identify whether something is a distraction is to ask yourself, “Will this matter in a year?” So many of the things we get hyper focused on—the showiness of your kid’s science project, your fixation with those last five pounds, the agony of choosing the right shade of white paint—won’t merit even a second thought a year from now.

  When I find myself hung up on something, this question helps me see whether the issue at hand really deserves so much of my time and attention. And if I realize it doesn’t, it helps me loosen my grip and redirect my energy toward something that’s more in line with my values and vision.

  9. PRODUCE, DON’T WORK

  Imagine you have something you want to get done. Maybe you’ve been wanting to revamp your resume, figure out your family holiday card, or make a photo album. For the sake of this example, let’s imagine that you have a side hustle—a passion project you work on in the fringe hours of your life.

  Now notice the difference between these two mind-sets:

  I’m sitting down to work on my business.

  I’m sitting down to produce for my business.

  You could work endlessly on your side hustle, popping from one thing to the next. A half-written blog post here, a social media post there. But what if you sat down to produce something for your side hustle? If you gave yourself two hours, could you record a podcast episode, write a chapter of your e-book, or schedule your social media shares for an entire month?

  Or in the case of the holiday card, can you see the difference between sitting down to “work on” your card and giving yourself one hour to “produce” a card you love?

  10. SOLVE, DON’T FIX

  Minimalists are more than willing to invest time and energy in something now if it will ultimately serve their long-term vision—just like they’re willing to spend more money on a quality item rather than replacing a less expensive item over and over again. This is the difference between fixing a problem in the moment and solving it for the long term. A fix is quick but—too often—temporary. It’s like patching a bike tire instead of replacing it altogether. A solution may take more effort up front, but it saves you in the end, because a solution lasts.

  Years ago, I read about a woman who applied the “solve, don’t fix” concept to her kids’ morning routine. She worked hard to teach her kids a specific order for their before school routine (get dressed, have breakfast, pack lunches, brush teeth, etc.), so that eventually her kids could wake up, get ready, and even load themselves into the car without her help. Over time, this saved her hours and hours of corralling, coordinating, and cajoling. Her mornings ran like clockwork.

  What are you continually fixing when—with a little more effort up front—you could find a more lasting solution?

  11. ALLOW YOUR MIND TO WANDER

  I know I don’t need to tell you what a monumental problem digital distraction is. I don’t have to tell you, because you experience it. You experience it every time you look at your phone when you’re just walking from one room to another in your house. You experience it every time you have a conversation with a friend whose attention is split between you and the notifications coming through on his watch. You experience it every time you try to get a piece of information through to your kid but are met with glazed eyes because of the tablet in her hands.

  You know this. But my question is, do you know the value of allowing your mind time to wander? Have you ever thought about how much less you daydream now that you almost always have a phone in your hand, earbuds in your ears, or a laptop at your fingertips?

  As we discussed under Take Purposeful Breaks in chapter 4, when we daydream, the brain shifts away from the task at hand and begins turning over the heavier problems of our lives, such as relationship issues and career direction. It’s like tossing a smooth river rock from one hand to another and back again while you take in the scene in front of you.

  By pushing back against our device addiction we give ourselves not just time—the minutes we would have lost to our screens—but also an improved ability to solve our problems.

  My only caution is this: Try not to let your mind wander along those all-too-familiar negative pathways that I described as emotional clutter in chapter 1, as this only carves those thoughts deeper into your subconscious. When you find yourself thinking familiar, damaging thoughts, experiment with the meditation technique of gently guiding your thoughts (without judgment) to a more positive alternative. If the negative thoughts persist, leave daydreaming mode by finding a constructive activity that requires your full attention.

  12. INTENTIONALLY CREATE WHITE SPACE IN YOUR DAY

  Anne McOmber watched from the car as her husband and young children crossed the yard and climbed the steps to their front door. They were inside with the groceries before she’d even made it past the sidewalk, but today she didn’t mind being left behind; she wanted to do it on her own.

  With a crutch in each hand and a leg often dragging behind, she slowly made her way into the house—proud, in the end, that she hadn’t needed a piggyback ride up the steps.

  My friend Anne hasn’t always relied on crutches, a walker, or a wheelchair. But with a broken connection between her brain and body, her steps now are much slower than they used to be—and, out of necessity, her life has followed suit.

  Yet as much as she wrestles with feeling discouraged by her limitations, Anne says she is uncovering something freeing.

  “While I inch along—step by step, crutch by crutch—instead of feeling left in the dust while life passes me by, I’m starting to realize that the life that’s left when it’s pared down to the essentials is beautiful. Not because it’s glamorous to only have the energy for one outing a week, to be unable to drive, and to need help getting in and out of the shower. But because there’s space to soak in the things that I’ve chosen to hold onto. If rushing is keeping you from this kind of savoring, maybe it doesn’t have to be.”

  It’s amazing how often it’s our bodies that first clue us in to our need to slow down. Sometimes it’s as small as tension in your shoulders, ongoing exhaustion, or a one-off migraine, and other times it’s as serious as a formal diagnosis or a mental health breakdown. Whatever messages your body is sending you, try to listen. Your soul needs to breathe, but how can it when you’re constantly running from one thing to the next?

  Maybe You Have All the Hours You Need

  If you were to open my journal right now and flip through its pages, you’d see one simple line scattered throughout the entries.

  “I have all the hours I need.”

  It’s a thought I’ve been practicing for more than a year now, because it feels infinitely better than my old, ugly alternative: “There’s never enough time.”

  Because for as much as I try to eliminate nonessentials and focus on what matters most, I also know that many of my circumstances are outside of my control. But the one thing that is completely mine is the wa
y I think.

  Time management strategies will take you a good distance, but a shift in your mind-set will take you the farthest. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find that time stretches and expands in unexplainable ways when you stop believing there isn’t enough.

  7 Ways to Create Moments of White Space

  1.The next time you stand in a line, whether waiting to use the copier at work or for a cashier at the grocery store, resist the urge to pull out your phone. Instead, take moment to be present. Take a few deep breaths; notice the sights, smells, and sounds around you; or let your mind simply wander.

  2.Practice the same mindful presence while driving a familiar route in your car. Turn off the radio, the podcast, or the audio book, and simply be where you are.

  3.Disable the notifications on your phone and notice how much time you get back in your day.

  4.Don’t schedule errands or appointments so close together that you have to rush between them and don’t have time to process one thing before starting the next. Whenever possible, give yourself some breathing room in between.

  5.Try waking up before your family, so you can savor a few minutes of quiet and prepare your mind for what’s ahead.

  6.At the end of your day, write three things you’re grateful for in your journal. It’s the perfect way to reflect on the day you’ve had and to train your mind to look for the beauty in the middle of your regular life.

  7.Create a soothing wind-down routine to practice every night. Even if you’re short of time, I bet you could spend a few minutes before bed rubbing lotion into your hands, diffusing an essential oil, drinking a hot cup of herbal tea, writing in your journal, or doing anything that feels like self-care to you.

  8

  relationships

  “Good morning!” I said to my friends as I nudged a cycling bike in line with theirs. “How are you guys doing?”

  “Well, I haven’t cried yet, so there’s that!” said one.