The Minimalist Way Page 3

  Adventure

  Authenticity

  Balance

  Boldness

  Bravery

  Citizenship

  Commitment

  Community

  Compassion

  Consistency

  Contentment

  Contribution

  Creativity

  Curiosity

  Dependability

  Determination

  Empathy

  Faith

  Family

  Flexibility

  Focus

  Friendliness

  Friendship

  Fun

  Gratitude

  Growth

  Happiness

  Humor

  Influence

  Inner Peace

  Integrity

  Joy

  Justice

  Kindness

  Knowledge

  Leadership

  Learning

  Love

  Loyalty

  Meaningful Work

  Nature

  Novelty

  Openness

  Perseverance

  Presence

  Reputation

  Respect

  Responsibility

  Security

  Self-Confidence

  Self-Love

  Self-Respect

  Self-Sufficiency

  Service

  Simplicity

  Spirituality

  Stability

  Strength

  Trustworthiness

  Unity

  Vitality

  Wisdom

  Wonder

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  Determine Your Core Values

  Now that you’ve read through the list of values and circled those that resonated with you, let’s talk about how to narrow it down—how to really recognize what matters most.

  1. QUIET THE “SHOULDS”

  As you continue to home in on your values in the upcoming exercises, do your best to discover what you really value—not what you think you should value. If you can cut through the noise and the pressures you feel from outside of yourself, I believe that somewhere inside, you already know which principles you want to base your life on. Your values don’t have to be the same as those of your parents, your partner, your in-laws, your religious leaders, or the woman down the street you’re always trying not to compare yourself to. Push past the “shoulds” to see who you really are.

  2. ASK YOURSELF, “WOULD I HOLD ON TO THIS VALUE EVEN AT A COST?”

  Think of the moments in your life when you sacrificed time, money, popularity, approval, or success for something you valued more. Maybe you came clean with your boss when you were mistakenly given credit for something you didn’t do, because your integrity in the long run was more important to you than your boss’s praise in that moment. Maybe you sacrificed some of your precious alone time at the end of a long day to take a friend’s call and listen with genuine empathy as he opened up about something that was weighing on him. When you’re willing to give up something that feels good for something you care about more, that’s when you know you’re acting on a core value.

  3. LISTEN TO THE VOICE INSIDE

  Think of the upcoming exercises along the same lines as taking a personality test. When you answer questions on a personality test, you’re encouraged not to overthink but to instead go with the first answer that comes to mind. Your gut knows what you value, and I think you’ll naturally be drawn to those qualities when doing the exercises.

  We all have a voice deep inside of us, a voice that knows us better than anyone else. People call it the universe, the spirit, the highest self, the Holy Ghost, the intuition, the gut, or the soul. What we call it isn’t as important as learning to hear it. Zoning in on your values is an opportunity to practice listening to the voice inside, and this practice will serve you as you navigate your new, minimalist way of life.

  The Difference Between Values and Goals

  When I was expecting my first child, I decided I wanted to run a half marathon after each baby we brought into our family. I’d never been a runner (as in, I don’t think I’d run a full mile since I was forced to in middle school), and the idea of training for that first half marathon intimidated me so much that I didn’t tell anyone about it until I’d added enough miles to my weekly runs that I felt moderately confident I’d be able to finish the race.

  This was a goal—based on one of my values. My goal was to run a half marathon after each baby, but my motivation was a value that sat deep in the core of my being: I wanted to feel good in my body, to have strength and energy that would allow me to keep up with my family and continue chasing my dreams.

  We never achieve our values in the way that we achieve our goals. We never arrive at them as I eventually arrived at the finish line—sweaty and out of breath—of three half marathons, one for each baby. Although we can’t accomplish our values, we do set goals and take actions that are in line with them. They are the subtle but solid underpinning of our lives, and we experience our greatest personal alignment when our choices and actions reflect them.

  Differentiating between values and goals is important within minimalism because in the long run it’s our values—not our goals—that motivate us. You might feel a rush of excitement and motivation when you set a new goal, like decluttering one main area of your home each month for the next six months. But a few months in, when that rush begins to wane, it’s knowing the value behind your goal that will carry you through to the finish line. Minimalists know that values are the slow-burning fire that spark us to accomplish our dreams.

  Exercise 1: Identify Your Top 3 Guiding Values

  Reread the values you circled and take more time to think about which ones represent you best. Using the tips under Determine Your Core Values, slowly narrow them down to the three values that feel integral to who you are.

  I suggest choosing three now, and then letting your mind mull it over for a few days before you officially pin them down. The brain makes connections when it’s allowed to wander, so there’s power in purposefully letting your subconscious do its work. You’ll return to your list with even more clarity than you have today.

  Your Top 3 Guiding Values

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  Exercise 2: Create Your Value Tree

  Think of your top three guiding values as the trunk of a tree. The trunk is essential to the health of the whole tree; without it, there would be no tree at all. But growing outward from that trunk are separate branches that make the tree what it is.

  With your top three guiding values as the basis of yourself (the trunk), you also have several separate but connected life domains (the branches). In Exercise 1, you determined what you value in a broad sense. Now it’s time to get specific—to think about how your values play out in each area of your life. The following are the life domains I encounter most, but you’re welcome to drop or swap out a domain if one doesn’t feel like a fit.

  1.Family

  2.Home

  3.Career

  4.Community & Relationships

  5.Health & Spirituality

  Keeping your top three guiding values in mind, think about each of these areas of your life and brainstorm three values for each. It’s 100 percent okay to repeat values across areas or pull from your top three guiding values. In fact, doing so means that your values are congruent across the board. For example, if “vitality” was one of your top three guiding values and it perfectly sums up what you want for yourself in the health & spirituality domain, then by all means, use “vitality” again. But maybe in addition to that, you want to be consistent with your health ha
bits and to use those habits to contribute to your sense of inner peace. In that case, add “consistency” and “inner peace” as well, making your top three values for the health & spirituality domain vitality, consistency, and inner peace. See the example below, and use the blank value tree that follows to fill in your own values.

  How to Embody Your Values

  Once you feel good about the values you’ve chosen, do everything you can to memorize them and stitch them into the fabric of who you are. If you’ve chosen well, your values are already a part of you—and always have been. But going forward, let’s make them your guiding force; let’s make them so deeply you that you can’t help but build a life on them. Here are six exercises to help.

  •Write about each of your top three guiding values and what they mean to you in your journal, on a blog, or even on Instagram—wherever you like to document your life.

  •Every day in your journal, jot down your top three guiding values before writing anything else. Repetition is a powerful tool, because it helps take a concept from the conscious mind and imprint it on the subconscious mind.

  •Invite a friend to do the values work with you. We can benefit tremendously from having an accountability partner, not just for the process of determining values but also for the journey of living them.

  •Print out your values or write them on Post-it Notes and hang them where you’ll see them often, like on the bathroom mirror, the fridge, or by your computer.

  •Make, or hire an artist to make, a wall hanging of your values.

  •Talk about your values regularly. Share stories about times when you had a decision to make and used one of your values to help you, as well as times when you made a decision that wasn’t in line with your values and how that felt. (It’s especially powerful for our kids to understand that we learn from our failures as much as we do from our successes.)

  Remember: It’s when you know your values and are living by them that you’re most able to see your priorities and make choices that will help you build a life that fits—a life that has room for joy.

  The Power of Pause: How to Use Your Values in Daily Life

  When we’re knee-deep in the business of running our day-to-day lives, we often make decisions based on habit, convenience, conformity, and the fear of making waves. But knowing our values—and continually getting back in touch with them—allows us to take a step back and see a fuller picture. With our values in mind, we remember to do life with purpose, not by default. We give our best energy to the things that matter most, and we let lesser priorities slip away (guilt free!).

  As you move forward, remember to come back to your values again and again. This isn’t a one-and-done exercise destined to be tossed out and forgotten like the rest of the clutter you’re planning to clear. My hope is that you’ll refer to these values as often as possible—and certainly every time you hit a junction in your life and need some direction.

  3 Steps for Mindful Decision-Making

  A minimalist’s mind-set is rarely more helpful than when you’re staring down an important decision. Instead of wasting time wondering what your older brother would do in your shoes or how others will react when you tell them what you’ve decided, you can cut through those distracting voices and listen instead to the one voice that matters most: your own.

  1. TAKE A MINDFUL PAUSE

  To stop living in a reactionary state, practice stepping back and breathing before making any decisions. Should I buy a new car or make do with the one I have for another year? Should I apply for that promotion? Should I sign my kid up for one more extracurricular? Whenever circumstances allow, give yourself the gift of a pause. When you take time to consider how each option aligns with your values, you’re more likely to make the decision that’s best for you.

  2. CHANGE YOUR SURROUNDINGS

  When was the last time you climbed a mountain or stared at an endless ocean?

  My husband and I went to college at the base of the Rocky Mountains, where anytime we needed a break or a fresh perspective, we could hike or even drive until we reached a stunning viewpoint.

  It was at dusk, standing on a mountain and looking over the soft city lights, when we first talked about getting married one day. It was there, with dusty shoes and water bottles in hand, that we first allowed ourselves to look to a future together beyond the next semester.

  After that, we’d return any time we had a decision ahead of us, from grad school and first jobs to when to start a family. Both individually and as a couple, we relied on the stress relief and the bird’s-eye view those vantage points gave us. Something about being physically above our daily routines and struggles helped us see ourselves—and our vision for the future—more clearly.

  When we eventually found ourselves living in the Midwest, surrounded by miles of cornfields with barely a hill in sight, we realized we could no longer climb until our problems felt miles below us.

  But we learned then that you don’t actually have to stand on top of a mountain to see your life with fresh eyes. A weekend exploring a new city, a drive through beautiful cornfields, or even a simple stroll to the park at the end of your street can be enough. Changing your surroundings is one of the quickest ways to get a fresh perspective and prepare yourself to make a decision that reflects your values.

  3. IDENTIFY THE OPTION MOST IN LINE WITH YOUR VALUES

  Reread the value tree you created in Exercise 2, and think further about which of your options are most in line with your deepest priorities. I find that this practice is especially helpful when the decision isn’t clear-cut—like when my options are good, better, and best, rather than right or wrong.

  For example, what if you were given an unexpected holiday bonus this year and found yourself deciding whether to save it, spend it on travel, or apply it to a debt like your car or home loan? These are all great options, but the catch with great options is that they can often land us in some serious analysis paralysis.

  This is exactly when returning to your unique values is so helpful. Any of these options could be right for someone, but according to your values, one of them might just be the best fit for you. It’s comforting and confidence-building to know that you’re letting go of something appealing for something better—something that’s a tight fit with your most deeply held values.

  The Essential Questions

  Whether you’re contemplating something small (like making a new purchase or finally throwing out your high school yearbooks) or something much bigger (like starting a family or moving across the country), ask yourself these essential questions to find clarity:

  Will this increase my capacity to experience joy?

  Does this align with my values?

  Know Where You’re Going

  A few weeks after Lauren first started noticing that persistent sense of unease deep in her stomach, she woke up one Saturday morning, strapped her bike onto the back of her car, and drove to her favorite biking path alongside Lake Michigan.

  She soon found herself breathing hard (it had been a long time since she’d last put on her cycling gear), but she enjoyed the burning in her chest, because it made her feel alive. And after months of 10-hour days in front of a computer, she needed to feel alive again.

  She’d recently been offered a position with one of her graphic design clients. The pay was excellent, the company’s name was well known and highly respected in its industry, and she’d have traditional benefits for the first time in five years. But the company’s culture was … exacting. She knew they would expect a lot of her and that accepting this role would likely mean she’d have no time left over for her smaller clients, much less her morning yoga sessions or visits home to see her family.

  Pulling off the path, Lauren swung one leg over the bike and slowed to a stop, taking in the view of the lake while her breathing returned to normal. She pulled a small notebook from her backpack and in an unexpected moment of inspiration, jotted down the things she most wanted out of her life. No surprise: A f
ancy brand name on her resume was not one of them. Neither were achy shoulders and tired eyes from too many hours hunched over a laptop.

  Self-sufficiency? Yes. The ability to set her own schedule and do creative work she enjoyed? Also yes. Time to move her body and get fresh air? Absolutely. And most importantly, time to connect with family and friends (and maybe even start dating again).

  Where a few months ago Lauren would have jumped at this professional opportunity, she now had a clearer vision for her life, and she knew as she tucked her notebook away that this position didn’t fit inside of that vision. She was learning that when your vision is based on what you really value (not what other people value or what you think you should value), the important decisions come into focus.

  What people traditionally think of as minimalism—clearing clutter, owning only what you need—is only a part of it. A true minimalist lifestyle means applying that same intention to your day-to-day choices, just like Laura did, in order to make space for what you truly desire. In the next chapter, we’ll apply your new decision-making skills to the process of decluttering your home.

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  home

  When my husband and I graduated college as newlyweds and headed a thousand miles east for his master’s program, we’d never heard of the minimalism movement. But on instinct, we decided to take with us only what we could pack into our small, silver Toyota Corolla.

  My entire wardrobe for that year, from day-to-day clothes to shoes and winter coats, fit inside one plastic storage tub. We rented a small set of furniture and limited our purchases, knowing that anything we bought would have to fit in that Corolla when the time came to move back west.

  We could have lumped our moving expenses into our student loans or splurged on our own set of furniture. It wasn’t really about the money (or at least, not completely); it was about the sense of freedom we felt as we drove across the country and into a new chapter of our lives, with very little tying us to the one before. That feeling of lightness stayed with us all year—and that experience became a building block for the minimal lifestyle we live now, as a family of five.